Dan L Dudgeon's Weblog

About My Mother's Death

2007-06-15T06:50:00.000-07:00

As I sat in the studio being interviewed on Marijuana Radio last month, I was asked a question by Paul, from the on-air team. He asked if my mother knew of my book, the Plant - meaning whether or not I had revealed my commercial promotion of Hemp or Cannabis legalization to my parents, implying that I would have revealed a love of marijuana by doing so. I answered, "My mom died", not out of anger or resistance to the question, but as a matter of fact. And it got me thinking.

My mother died five years ago of complications due to breast cancer - actually, specifically, a pulmonary embolism, or blood clot. Several years before, she had gone through chemotherapy, and surgery, and was told it was cleared up, as they always say. Then it came back, as it often does. She didn't take advantage of Medical Marijuana, because the state in which she resided didn't allow the relaxed laws regarding Medical Marijuana at the time. I know for a fact that she had enjoyed recreational pot in an earlier time in her life, not regularly, but at the occasional party, among friends. Based on what she told me, her chemo experience wasn't so difficult to endure as others, considering the stories I have heard. It was a short term of chemo followed by the surgery, then a couple years of good health and remission. The recurrence arrived in the form of lung cancer, rather than breast cancer, and forced her to rely on an oxygen system - one in the home, and a portable one for travel. She retired from her job, and became homebound. Due to the oxygen system, she couldn't have flames in the house. Had she wanted to alleviate her pain with illegal marijuana, she couldn't have smoked it. She would have been left to devise cooking methods, and take her chances with the effectiveness, and the long wait for its effects to take hold.

The availability of prescription drugs, funded by her insurance, made this a much more viable alternative to a natural, healthy pain alleviant. But I cannot help remembering the discussions I had with my brother during the weeks just before and after her death, as well as with sympathetic friends and acquaintances. "The drugs killed her" was the most common agreed-upon belief. Others had had experiences with the same circumstances. Besides various pain killers, she was taking blood thinners, obviously to prevent blood clots (her killer). But the side effects of the blood thinners were a weakening of all the bodily systems that would have combatted the onslaught of the lung cancer, thus the savior became the enemy.

So was this euthanasia? Was the alleviation of pain, the prevention of a sudden, painful, deadly blood clot, and the hope for a calm death a form of mercy? My mother knew six months before her death, that her time had come. She had made her peace with the world, squared away her finances, made a living will, in addition to a post-death will, and told those she loved that it wouldn't be long. This was logical to her, and the actions of a sane, mature adult under these circumstances. But was the treatment she received from the medical center, her physician, her cancer specialist, her insurance company, and the medical industry logical, mature, or sane? They all were convinced that various prescription drugs, chemotherapy, surgery, and crossed-fingers would provide some sort of an outcome for my mother's condition, one which no one was willing to honestly predict, save for my mother.

Is this what our modern world, with all the scientific advances and medical research can offer? A slow, yet somewhat painless death, facilitated by dangerous chemical concoctions is our best guess, in some cases it seems. Nonetheless, my mother died from a blood clot. With the cocktail of painkillers and blood thinners in her system, she died suddenly, and painfully, from a blood clot due to complications from lung cancer, which resulted from a failed attempt to rid her of breast cancer.

I didn't know my mother's stance on Medical Marijuana's legality in her state, because it wasn't up for vote. We didn't discuss it. I know she would have, in general, been for, rather than against. But it wasn't an issue in the last few months of her life, because she wasn't suffering from the side effects of chemotherapy, since she wasn't going through treatment. She suffered more from shortness of breath up until the last few weeks, when she suffered from a failing body. Had she asked me for marijuana, I would have found a way to acquire it for her. Of course, as a good mother would, she didn't exactly admit to the truth of her condition, or her pain, to hers sons, leaving me without the knowledge of a possible need for an ingestible form of THC, something which I am convinced would have been a far better pain allayer than she had.

Even more so than the question of her choice of drugs, is the question of the symptoms - the symptoms of her predicament - a question that needs consideration, and maybe an answer. Her doctors were experimental, out of lack of knowledge. The cocktail of prescription drugs were only a guess. The insurance blindly paid for the recommendations of the doctors. The alternatives were never recommended to her. The state didn't provide the legality of alternatives. The culture of the state blindly obeyed the doctors opinions and knowledge - or lack thereof.

The realm in which we live is one of fear of what the authorities do not approve, or do not at least condone.

If the religious leaders of our era do not approve, or condone, premarital sex - with or without contraception - our modern American culture fears it. Sometimes that fear takes on the form of curiosity - especially in the young - and leads to secretly tasting the taboo, often with negative results, and also becomes a form of rebellion, something it should never be. That same fear in the hands of parents leads to a choice to hide the truth from the young, rather than discussing the logistics with them, offering options and reasons.

Similarly, if the elders of our era do not approve or condone public nudity, the public once again fears it - making it a taboo that tantalizes the young, as well as a tool of rebellion.

Take a look at the other side of this truth: The authorities approve, or at least condone alcohol consumption, and we have a reckless abandon of logic, safety, and regard for others - in all levels of society - resulting in life-destroying alcoholism, thousands of deadly automobile accidents every year, and rampant crime.

Now extend this argument to Medical Marijuana, and you have the same issue: an equal ignorance of a humanly natural occurrence, that is, taking advantage of what has been found to be helpful, as well as natural, throughout the history of evolution. Nudity is natural, but society's elders believe it should be hidden away, to prevent a reckless road to negligent sexual experimentation, throwing all caution to the wind. Premarital sex is natural, but religious leaders believe it should be quelled, to prevent a degradation of the sanctity of marital sex, to prevent a loss of interest in marriage, and to possibly prevent the end of monogamy, the very basis of the institution of the family. Alcohol is also natural, extending back through our history thousands of years possibly to, and assisting, the start of human civilization. However, being the only legal and approved thrill we have, it is abused to the level of insanity.

What does all this tell us? Glad you asked. If our culture was one of welcoming to the natural, as well as one void of fear of considering all options, without connotations, using logic to decide how to help each other prosper and survive, my mother might have had a better death. In other words, if American culture accepted things such as premarital sex - which has much more approval of the elders of other first world countries, and is, thus, in those lands less of a problem, and nudity - which again is less of an issue in other first world countries, without leading to reckless orgy, and finally, the use of the cannabis plant for its medical properties - something that the entire world should have embraced eons ago, and if American culture, in addition to accepting these things, also found ways to direct them toward a healthy position within society, making them beneficial - taking advantage, rather than simply managing - then maybe my mother would have been a happier person, with a more positive outlook for her world. And maybe her breast cancer, even though it is considered to be a hereditary disease, might have had less severity, because of her happiness and positivity. Then maybe, just maybe - in this alternate reality - our culture would have not relied on pharmaceutical profiteers to dictate how we treat illness, but rather would have existed in a world that loved nature and the natural, and there would have been a natural cure for her cancer, not necessarily from Medical Marijuana, but from something in our natural surroundings which may have, in actual reality, already died due to our ignorance of its existence, and our lack of concern for our planet's and her people's health and well-being.

Fact or fiction, it is my opinion. Truth or conjecture, wouldn't it be a logical, mature, and sane action for humans to consider anything that the earth offers, naturally, that may benefit civilization without adding to our self-destruction? Maybe our modern approach to living is, in fact, a form of euthanasia. We may instinctively know that we are on a course to elimination. Rampantly destroying our atmosphere with our oil and coal consumption in order to make life more comfortable, destroying the forestation that could slow the death of our air so we can build more, and denying ourselves natural cures for disease, but ingesting toxic prescription chemicals without regard to the consequences, may actually be the hedonistic immediate gratification of a species that has an intuition of its own demise, and just wants to dull the pain by satisfying its thirst for thrills. By accepting her impending death as something of a relief my mother may have subconsciously believed what I, and so many other supporters of Hemp legalization are yet too optimistic to accept: that our modern civilization has been given a terminal diagnosis, and just wants to "live it up 'til the light goes out". Yet, it may be that our society's cancer is treatable, and I, and those diehard anti-prohibitionists, are certain that there is still a chance to turn it around. Either way it is certainly worth thinking about.

About the Survival Guide

2007-05-10T07:04:00.000-07:00

I have a strong faith in the value of skepticism. I do not blindly accept the words of politicians, whether in a party with which I align, or otherwise. I do not mindlessly trust the speeches of world leaders, or the promises of advertisers, nor do I believe that any one path is the right path, be it for a career, choice of schooling, or a life's goal. The value of taking things with a grain of salt prevents one from falling into bad circles of friends during adolescence, from choosing a life path that ends in prison, and even from voting for a bad president. Skepticism can also give one the ability to see past the guises of a cult, or a cult-like doctrine, whether it is an established religion or the home-brewed ideology of a lunatic. This is important to anyone, but more important to the seeker, or person that searches for a "higher meaning".

The Psychosomatic Survival Guide opens with "For Entertainment Purposes Only". Whatever this may be to you - a dedication, a warning, a suggestion, or a disclaimer - it echoes the other value in which I have a strong faith, that being the value of enjoying life. Call it carpe diem ("seize the day"), "life live to the fullest", or "try not to take it all so seriously", the value of finding entertainment in existence is with no doubt in my mind the most important factor in all searches for meaning. This is why most books and authors on this particular subject have perturbed me in the past. They teach without humor. Seriousness leads to worry leads to stress leads to anguish leads to bad health leads to disillusionment and leads to an unfulfilled, and unhappy life. Laughter is not only the best medicine, but is also a much more powerful "secret" weapon against the insanity of the universe than any mind-control methods for creating peace and harmony in your life, or the world around you.

All this being said, I suggest that you take healthy skepticism and the entertainment factor into consideration when reading my, or any other's, guide. Thank you for reading.

The story of why I wrote my novel, "the Plant"

2007-05-08T10:39:00.000-07:00

In the spring of 1993, a friend and I made a short road trip, and dropped in on a friend in Denver. The evening we showed up, he was on his way to a Boulder Hemp Initiative meeting at the University of Colorado campus (this is a group that seeks to have the ban on Industrial Hemp farming lifted, in order to allow American farmers to benefit from the widespread use of Hemp as a raw material for such things as clothing, soaps, and food). So we accompanied him. They presented a movie, probably based on Jack Herer's Emperor Wears No Clothes that laid out the history of prohibition on Hemp - that oil and paper magnates destroyed the competition of Hemp by making Marijuana (Hemp's cousin) illegal, and thus, also banning Hemp. That's where I first learned of the deeper story behind the original Marihuana Tax Act of '37 - at least more than I knew from High Times articles. The presenter at that meeting also expressed his belief that the way to end the ban on all forms of Cannabis - Industrial Hemp and Medical Marijuana - was to push to legalize Hemp as an entity of its own, separate from marijuana legalization, and, thus, undo the mistake of the original Tax Act. From there new legislation could be created to reflect today's needs.

I was inspired by that idea, and then a few short months later, I found myself living up in Seattle, and made it to the 1993 HempFest. I had not yet seen that kind of passion about an issue. Besides hearing great live music, I learned two things that day: one, that there was a growing realm of legalization support, and that the wave which events like this would begin, will never stop; and two, after talking to the guys at the NORML booth - who at the time were pushing for easing the laws on marijuana use, as well as medical use, that this idea of pushing Hemp as an unrelated-to-pot raw material needed its own movement.

The following year, having realized that writing was what I really wanted to do with my life, I made a move eastward to get to a place where I could concentrate on my first novel. In early 1995, after finishing a first draft of The Balance, I suddenly had a vision of a Hemp legalization story, and I penned the first two chapters of the Plant. A year later, I wrote The Psychosomatic Survival Guide, and returned to Colorado, to begin a new chapter for myself. For the following eight years the Plant sat on the shelf, enduring being ignored during the revisions of my other two books as well as my first poetry collection, side interests and pursuits in music and photography, and me working for a living, until I finally acquired enough material, thanks to the Bush administration, to fill in the middle of the story. In the fall of 2005 I began revising the chapters I had already written, and then in the spring of 2006 I sat down to my laptop, and wrote the rest of the book.

Many real events in my life inspired aspects of the story, as well as the characters, and I did study the history of the laws, and the history and research of Hemp, in order to better convey the reality in the book, however it may very well be that Hemp Initiative meeting in 1993 that truly gave me the concept. Because, as much as I can appreciate anyone that is passionate about legalization, and any media involved in the same, I do not believe that certain types of protesting will ever work.

What I am talking about is the image that is often portrayed at many Hemp Festivals, street protests, Earth Day events, or college "smoke outs". This image is that of the stoner/hippie - tie-died, dreadlocked, red-eyed, and shouting "legalize it, dude!" Don't get me wrong however, because I DO believe that you MUST carry and live by the flag that makes you happy, and I, myself, have been seen tie-died and shaggy. I have also seen, and been, on the other side - the buttoned-down/khaki, concerned about taxes, bitching around the company water cooler, pissed-off when your employees show up late or not at all, and more concerned about planning the family vacation than getting high, world.

What I discovered in my prohibition research, and keeping up with the legalization efforts, is that there needs to be a balance between it all. Canada legalized Hemp farming in 1998, and despite many problems with the system, it is happening up there. However, if you take a look at any of the related websites, you will see a different world from the Seattle HempFest realm. You will see pictures of, and articles from, farmers - plain ol' farmers, with denim shirts and work boots. True salt-of-the-earth people, who are doing nothing more than cultivating the world's most amazing crop - no tie-dies, no red eyes. And this is what the masses of America can appreciate.

All counterculture is a wonderful thing, whether punk, hippie, rasta, or beat. But the core of the population of the U.S.A. is the average suburbanite, driving Fords or Corollas, wearing the latest fashions from Kohls or Old Navy, and buying toilet paper from Target or Wal-mart. And even though many of the "masses" have taken a hit, or two, or three, they still have kids, go to church, worry about taxes, listen to the latest pop hits, and shun the counterculture. One must find a way to reach this type, and convince them of the need to legalize Hemp, and decriminalize Marijuana.

The best example I can give is Mason Tvert. He is the man behind Amendment 44 in Colorado this year. Despite being an advocate of legalizing the possession of an ounce or less of Marijuana for adults, he has always been seen in public wearing a suit and tie, well-groomed, and well-spoken. He has not supplemented his street protests with Pink Floyd or Led Zeppelin, or had open "smoke outs". He has acted like a politician, and spoken to the yet unconvinced, on their level. Because just like GWB speaking at a private Republican-only event is simply "preaching to the choir", so too is a group of radical activists speaking at a HempFest - it's important to keep the spirit alive, but the preaching needs to break out of the closed environments, and out to the public, through channels that the public can relate to.

This is why I wrote the Plant, because even though I respect anyone who is anti-prohibition, no matter what they look like - because I am smart enough to see past the cover of the book - I believe that presenting to the public, in a non-stoner way, the need to end prohibition on Cannabis, in all its many forms, is the best way to success.

What's Up With That?

2007-04-30T13:59:00.000-07:00

Last night as I was sleeping, my dream turned into an episode of Seinfeld. After a few moments I realized I had seen this episode, so I woke up.

First Post

2007-04-16T14:37:00.000-07:00

I now have an online blog through the kindness of blogger.com. For whatever it is worth, this is the first post. Thank you for reading as I continue to add my personal thoughts and opinions. I will try to stay logical and interesting. That is my goal, for the reader's benefit.